Well, here it is. Another year’s gone and I’m now 33. Same age Jesus was when he died. I did one of these birthday posts when I turned 30, and then I never did one after that because it didn’t seem like 31 or 32 was any kind of milestone to be worth commemorating (to tell you the truth: between you and me, 33 ain’t much to write home about neither). Although I did write stuff, I just never posted it here. That seems to be a thing with me as I age; most stuff rarely seems meaningful enough for me to do anymore as I get older, so I often don’t do it.
Anyway, what is there to say? I am 33 now. It feels strange that I’ve made it this far to be honest. I never really expected to be alive for that long, so everything after 30 has been something of a surprise. Other than this, however, the surprises are limited. I’m not complaining, but life is simply just more boring the older I get. Surprises still occur, but they are so rare now that it feels like life is mostly just bad or boring moments 99% of the time punctuated by a couple of cool things happening here and there. As I get older I’m finding that birthdays are becoming a bit more depressing than a cause for celebration. I don’t want to bum anyone out with this, I’m just explaining the nature of the situation to you. This is how life is at the moment for me unfortunately.
Life gets more boring, and people get shittier. I will give you an example of what I mean. I’m finding that more and more it’s difficult for me to connect with people like I used to, and most people are content to lose themselves in their phones instead of talking. Most people don’t really feel present in a way that feels respectful or worthwhile. I’m not saying I’m any better or perfect either, but it is something I want to work on as I age. I don’t want to be one of those people you see in traffic who is constantly darting their eyes back and forth from the traffic to their phone, which I see all the time. It’s hard to explain what I mean in a way that doesn’t just amount to “people are NPCs and I’m not because I’m so cool and superior,” because hell, even language like “NPC” is cliched at this point. But it is a cliche because it’s useful and partly true: I do feel that a lot of people have lost their souls in this society, and one of my biggest fears is becoming one of them.
As for other markers of progress, there have been a couple. I don’t use social media that often, but whenever I do lately I’m noticing more and more of my contemporaries getting pregnant or married or whatever. Sometimes it’s people you don’t even expect. To give you an idea of what I mean: there’s a dude I grew up with who once made a very distasteful and vulgar joke about a girl he had recently slept with who was, “tighter than a newborn baby.” His words, not mine. I checked one of my social media things recently and that same guy was holding up a baby girl and smiling. He’s got a daughter and he’s married now apparently. Sometimes there are weird things in life like this that can sorta make you laugh at the unexpectedness of it all.
Another marker lately had to do with my cat, who celebrates his birthday the day before mine. Earlier this year I had to take him to the hospital because he was having trouble pissing one night; it turns out the dry food he loves so much was causing him to develop crystals and mess with his kidneys. Just like people: sometimes the stuff we love will ultimately kill us. Dry food for cats is like cigarettes for a regular guy probably. Since then I have switched him to wet food, and he seems to have bounced back. His 8th birthday was yesterday.
There are other obvious ones too. Like my favourite band from childhood going on a 20th anniversary tour for one of their albums. And Star Wars 3 returning to theatres this year for its 20th anniversary. Everything is an anniversary this and an anniversary that, all these corporations lately are aiming to hit you in the nostalgia nuts in hopes of cashing in on your emotions. Sometimes it has been working, I won’t lie, but other times it leaves me feeling a little pathetic that I have to go back to my former passions in order to feel happy now. If I’m going back to a movie theatre in 2025 to watch a movie I loved as a 13 year old boy, that’s not a good sign.
Other than the slow retardation and decline of people around me (and myself of course — I won’t count myself out, don’t worry about that), people getting married/having kids, corporations doing nostalgia porn, and my cat’s health, there are other subtle markers of progress as well. Another thing I’m noticing is that most places I go now, the service I get is absolutely dogshit. I’m not pointing the finger at the service workers themselves, but rather the system of capitalism pushing people and overworking them probably. And it’s not just people: it’s service and how things work, period. For example, I went to see Den of Thieves 2 in January, a movie I was looking forward to for awhile, mind you, and I noticed the screen brightness was so low it was almost offensive. I had paid my ticket, and the quality of the experience I got was so horrendous I could have stayed home, downloaded the film, and projected it on a wall by myself and had a better time. Then I went to Denny’s recently, and the fucking woman working that evening wouldn’t give me free refills on my coffee. I don’t mean to come across like the main character of the Mike Leigh film Hard Truths complaining and finding the negativity in everything, but this is what I’ve been experiencing lately.
I’m not sure why I brought all that up on a post that is supposed to be about my 33rd birthday, but I believe it’s because I wanted to use that as a jumping off point for discussing what comes next. If I am mostly bored with life, I’m not connecting with people much, there’s no excitement anymore, service sucks, and I feel negative about a lot….what comes next? I think all of this could possibly be a sign that it’s time for me to do other shit. I don’t know if I believe in “signs” all that much, but it could very well be true. That theatre I saw Den of Thieves 2 at recently was a theatre I have been frequenting almost all of my life, by the way, and the service has always been fine. So it could be life or the universe telling me I need to stop being such a boring asshole and do more, take a bigger bite out of life for once. This is not an assessment I disagree with. I guess what I have to do is approach life differently for awhile and mix shit up again. 2024 was incredibly boring for me, and it went by scarily fast. There’s still a whole lot I feel I need to do. I would like to go back to visiting Europe, write more, and possibly pursue stand-up comedy again. This is, of course, assuming things are still functioning on account of the collapse we find ourselves in and whatever pandemic is around the corner. So we’ll see.
Anyway, best of luck to people out there still reading this. Thanks to those of you buying and reading my books. And I hope 2025 is a good one for you (and beyond).