MEANINGLESS MAGAZINE is a comedy/philosophy website with writing on it.

MY TOP 5 RAPPERS OF ALL TIME

I have been writing for Hot Cars recently, and I've been covering rappers and the types of vehicles they drive. As a result, I've started to think seriously about my top 5 favourite rappers of all time again.

Everyone’s top five is different and may cause violence depending on who is around to disagree. Mine is no different: you will notice that there is no Jay-Z, Tupac, or Nas, who I see a lot on various top fives. They are great, but I do not have a personal connection to their music that is as huge as the following.

1. BIGGIE

This is my number one pick and has been for years. I don’t think it will ever change. I have used Tony Soprano as a comparison to Biggie before, and I think it’s a good one: both dudes are industrious heavy-duty guys that were born to be good at what they do in their respective fields. Biggie’s voice was just made for rap, just like Tony was made to be a formidable sociopathic presence. You don’t watch The Sopranos for other characters and root for the New York crew (unless you’re actually a New Yorker). And you should not call yourself a fan of rap unless you like Biggie.

Biggie’s voice was not only perfect for rapping, his flow was just incredibly catchy. And he had a great way of painting a picture vividly with words. Biggie could tell an entire story in two minutes, and you would feel like you just watched a movie. “Niggas Bleed,” for example is a great piece of gangster literature. It’s like a Donald Goines novel in rap form. Although Biggie’s mother has claimed he didn’t live half of the things he talked about in his rhymes, that only makes his work that much cooler; he managed to make rap more of an artform. It didn’t matter if his “one room shack” was fictional or not, what mattered was the ability to tell a compelling story while maintaining proper rap composure perfectly throughout. I still can’t believe that Biggie was only 24 when he died; his music suggests he lived a life well beyond his years.

2. EARL SWEATSHIRT

I will definitely catch some shit for this because Earl only became relatively popular in 2010, as opposed to these other rappers here who are considered “veterans” of their craft, etc. etc. However, in the almost decade since Earl’s first release came out he has managed to prove himself time and time again as a rapper who always comes prepared with the greatest bars on a track ever. If he’s on the same song with a rapper that isn’t taking it very seriously, you almost feel embarrassed for the other person. To use another actor analogy: if he was an actor he would be one of those dudes that only picks great roles. With an Earl release, every song is great. Even when he’s just kidding around it’s absolutely hilarious and never boring. In a 2013 interview, Earl said he doesn’t want to be rapping, “in 10 years.” That makes sense when you look at his output: he is too good to be one of those rappers that ends up turning to shit. He might just be the Nas of my generation.

3. EMINEM

This is the guy that transcended race. I’m sure he must have had to deal with tons of shit when he was earning his respect initially. And he never let any of that shit stop him. He only ever used the N word once, and that was when he was younger (and who wasn’t an idiot when they were young)? He used his weakness as a strength, and because he couldn’t use the N word or sound like other guys he came out with stuff that sounded completely original. Eminem is in my top 5 because he changed the face of rap forever. Not much else needs to be said: songs like "Stan" and "Lose Yourself" are things that will forever be part of the culture now.

4. LIL WAYNE

Yes. Lil Wayne. I don’t give a fuck about anything anyone who disagrees with this has to say because I’ve heard all the arguments already. Lil Wayne is a rapper people love to hate. But the truth is: he is an amazing lyricist. Even if he’s talking a bunch of shit, it’s always amazing to watch him go. And really, isn’t “talking shit” what rap is essentially about? There’s a market for uplifting conscious rap music about saving the environment and whatever, but that isn’t for me. 

I can’t say I like every single song the guy has ever done, but if you look at his output it’s remarkable he actually has that many songs. There was a period where Wayne was literally the greatest rapper on the planet. The Carter III is the definitive album of that decade that represents where rap was at that time. He literally has a song that is half an hour long called “10,000 Bars.” Even if you hate his rapping you can’t honestly say that isn’t impressive. Name another rapper that can rap for 30 minutes straight. One of your favourite Soundcloud autotune rappers with highlights in his hair? I don’t think so, sorry. I used to watch the documentary with Lil Wayne (that he apparently hates and tried to stop from being released) when I was 18 all the time, and it actually made me want to be a rapper (before I realized I totally could never be one of the greats). I used to be a typical Lil Wayne hater before I saw that documentary; that movie does a great job at depicting the guy’s insane work ethic. Even when he was at the peak of his fame and could have easily took some time to relax, he was always recording. After watching that documentary I went from being a Lil Wayne dissenter to being a total fan: I even wrote him a letter when he was in jail at one point!

How can someone watch this ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaSCNHDX548 ) and not understand how dope Wayne was at his peak? And the thing is: there are so many other examples I could share with you. Wayne consistently had amazing punchlines, and great delivery pre-2010. He still has some decent appearances here and there, but when “Tha Carter III” came out it was the culmination of Wayne’s entire life work at becoming one of “the greatest rappers alive.”

But for people that hate Wayne, I will say this to partly agree with you: I will never be able to forgive the guy for introducing the world to the awful era of Drake.

5. DANNY BROWN

People tend to forget this now that Danny Brown is a successful rapper, but he is one of those performers that has been consistently putting out quality tracks for years. According to my iTunes I have over 8 hours of material by him. And the thing is: the guy raps his ass off on every song. Detroit State of Mind parts 1 to 4 are essential listening. His early work is truly the music of a hungry guy ready to dazzle you with BARS. This is a man who has taken adderall in order to stay up all night to write: he has literally suffered for his art. That alone is way more than you can say for the average rapper.

Aside from his early work, he is one of those rappers that continues to evolve. The Danny Brown that exists now is not the Danny Brown that existed on XXX, and that might piss off a lot of his fans. But I think it’s amazing. And here’s the thing: I will never not listen to a new Danny Brown track even if I don’t like how it sounds. He literally uses his voice as an instrument, experimenting in any manner he sees fit. Danny Brown’s not just a rapper, he’s a musician in every sense of the word. He’s been compared to a cartoon character, and it’s an apt comparison: he’s so talented he almost doesn’t seem real. The way he can bend his voice to fit any instrumental is amazing to watch. As I get older I hate live events, but Danny Brown is one of the few rappers I can honestly say I would actually see live a second time in an instant because he gives a hell of a performance.

 

HONORARY MENTION

THE WU-TANG CLAN (ALL)

I’m cheating here, I know. But fuck it. This pick is a little different because I can’t honestly say I like Wu-Tang Clan’s music post their heyday period. However, they are rap royalty for a reason: that 36 Chambers album is a goddamn classic. Here’s how great they were: even their SKITS were worth listening to. How many rappers can you say genuinely enjoy listening to their filler tracks? The beginning of the track “Torture” may have been the predecessor to guys like Odd Future: it was the first time we saw such an original group that were not only talented lyricists, but infectiously hilarious. If you grew up in the 1990s you not only listened to the Wu-Tang Clan, you wanted to be IN their group because they made it look so fun.

What The Fuck Does A “Content Writer” Do?

“A REAL BULLY SHOWED UP, AND NOBODY KNEW HOW TO HANDLE HIM.” - CHRIS ROCK.