If I had to make an estimate, I would honestly say only a small handful of people have ever read my novel ABSOLUTE ANHEDONIA. I'm talking less than 10 people. And two of those people are just friends that felt bad for me. I started writing it during the fall of 2012, continued on and off for about 2 years, hating what I wrote and liking it again, and then finally self-publishing it in 2014. It was a very quiet thing I needed to do.
I did zero promotion or anything of that nature for it: it was something I felt compelled to write, and shit out into the universe regardless of anyone caring or not. I personally hate where our culture on social media is now: artistic people blindly "follow" hundreds of people on different forms of social media, and then send messages requesting you like or check out their pages. There's literally no effort in that: just a shotgun "like" or "follow" and then a lazy ass copy and paste message. "Check out my band, we just released our first EP here!" When people do that to me I feel bad for them and cringe a little bit. Because everyone wants attention in 2017, and everyone's trying real hard to get it, but it's all just noise.
So I never make a fuss about shit I do. I just write it and post shit quietly. Once in awhile I'll post something on Reddit and encounter some friendly folks there, but I'm not aggressive. That's why it was a huge surprise this week to receive an e-mail from some random dude that read my book. Attached is the exchange below, it really cheered me up to know that someone I'll probably never meet happened to find my work and connect with it. Shit like this reminds me of why I even bother to write at all....
Write here...
(His letter)
I've read your book of "Absolute Anhedonia" and I have to ask.
Who is Jeff Winters? It is a fiction character or it really exists?
Thanks!! The book was awesome!!
(My response)
Hi,
Thank you so much for reading! Glad you liked it.
To answer your question: Jeff Winters is a fictional character that is heavily based on my own life and experience. He’s basically an exaggerated version of myself. Jeff’s recurring shroom & alcohol use, working dead end jobs and hating it, boring sex with hookers, addiction to online shopping/monitoring the tracking as a replacement for real life happiness, the inability to connect with most people or find a lasting relationship with a decent girl, getting stuck in a rut in life, and feelings of anhedonia and isolation are all very much borrowed from my real life.
I am convinced anhedonia is a real condition: 2014 was one of the most intense years of my life. After a death in my family I kinda felt frozen, almost trapped in time. I started wearing a black suit around all the time because I felt like I was always in a fucking funeral or something. I don't know why. Things were happening around me, and I could barely react. The anhedonia isn’t as bad for me anymore these days, but it’s always lingering in me to some degree. The whole "life is meaningless" refrain of the book is something I still fight with everyday. That is generally my real life philosophy. I really wish I could shake those thoughts, but that’s just how I naturally feel unfortunately. I’ve always strongly felt the purpose of life (the fact that there is none) at the forefront of my brain. As I get older, it’s been an ongoing challenge for me to reconcile that knowledge with actually wanting to wake up in the morning at all.
Overall I’d say the book is about 70% real. The rest is made up for satire, humour, or narrative purposes. For example: Connie, Lamont, and Gregory are not real, but composite characters inspired by a bunch of people I’ve known over the years. Carlos isn’t real. (And Amber is real; based on a nice lady I used to know, haha). The second half of the book is more fantasy-driven as the story kinda devolves into utter chaos. The real life Jeff gets stuck on the island. On the other hand, I have never abandoned everything and started over by moving to an island, but it is a fantasy of mine. I would love to Roman Polanski the second half of my life (minus his rape charges).
Anyway, sorry this was so damn long. Thanks again for reading and e-mailing me. I really appreciate it! More of my writing can be found here: www.meaninglessmagazine.com. I’m hoping to put out another novel soon.
Sincerely,
"Jeff"
