I haven’t updated this website in awhile, but I’ve noticed new people have been finding it, reading stuff I wrote awhile back, and subscribing to the newsletter. I really appreciate that: don’t think I haven’t noticed. If you haven’t received a newsletter from me it’s not because I haven’t added you to the list, it’s because I haven’t sent one out in awhile. I guess I’ve just been busy with other shit. Work, life, and thinking about life. Going for long walks, reading books in a field, you know: the usual shit. As I approach 30 next February I think these thoughts are naturally getting more frequent. I’m thinking about death a lot, mortality, the meaninglessness of existence, all of that fun stuff. My mind feels like an endlessly entertaining thing that keeps me distracted for long periods of time. I could easily sit on a park bench and do nothing but think or meditate for several hours (and I have).
I’ve also been kinda addicted to my phone lately — like pretty much everyone I know in 2021. Not really addicted to the phone per se, but the information I get on it. It’s like a quicksand pit of information, and before I know it the whole damn day’s gone. I sit down to Google something about Russian Literature, and next thing I know I’m reading about Norm Macdonald for 4 hours (RIP to him: his death is the worst tragedy to occur in the month of September).
I also notice that I sometimes post things on my Instagram stories that would probably make good articles, but by the time I’ve posted it’s too late to expand on them. Sometimes the IG story format makes for a better, easily digestible format. Plus, who am I kidding: no one visits websites like mine anymore. This type of thing had its day in the early 2000s, but in 2021 everyone goes to the same 3 or 4 websites and that’s it: their social media profiles, Google, porn websites, etc. People are robots now. I find that most folks are more receptive to stuff on social media sites than other websites because they’re already there. People are so lazy they don’t wanna take the extra step to click off their IG or whatever it is.
Anyway, this is something I posted on my stories recently that a couple people resonated with. Usually I post stuff and I get a bunch of silent viewers (because everyone in this era is socially incompetent in my opinion), but this time, surprisingly, I had multiple people react to it positively. Here is what I posted:
Something I have learned about life is that you should remember you’re part of an unfolding process that has nothing to do with you. Like you shouldn’t take anything personally, good or bad. You shouldn’t feel bad about things not working out and you shouldn’t feel proud if your life is going well: you had nothing to do with either of it, you were just born into the universe by sheer luck. Animals don’t feel good or bad about anything other than their survival, should be the same for us. We think we’re so cool because we can read and write and make money and get big booty bitches and wear gold Apple watches and alter our consciousness, but we’re just animals lol. Society and taxes and grocery stories and success are all made up things to make you forget you’re an animal lol
What I’m trying to say & what I mean by this is that nothing is really “happening” to “you” or anyone in particular. Nothing was “meant to be,” because nothing means anything. Life is just naturally unfolding without a conscience. We’re closer to roadkill getting hit by a car or whatever than a guy in a suit on the way to a business meeting, if that makes sense lol. We place such a high value on life and ownership of it, but it’s all beyond any of us.
I’m not sure what brought this on specifically, but I guess I was trapped in that usual state of thinking where I wonder about why things are going super well for some people and less so for others. Why is it that a guy who did nothing wrong can get shot and have to live the rest of his life in a wheelchair, but some dumb white girl who deserves absolutely nothing good in her life gets great fortune? Why does a healthy philanthropist get cancer, but a piece of shit billionaire gets incredible luck his whole life? Like I said above: I guess that’s just what life is. A meaningless thing we shouldn’t take personally or ownership of. Nothing ultimately matters, shit just happens and we should not worry too much about it. You have a bunch of moments, and then it’s like the last scene of The Sop-
