SOMETHING THAT PISSED ME OFF ABOUT SPIDERMAN: HOMECOMING (SPOILER)

I liked Michael Keaton’s character. “Vulture” is supposed to be a bad guy, but he wasn’t really in my opinion. The writers didn’t do enough to make me hate him - especially in today’s economy.

The speech he gives Peter near the end of the movie made a lot of sense to me. In a nutshell: Keaton’s character is a working class dude trying to provide for his family, and makes this clear to Peter Parker. He is responsible for weapons being sold to bad dudes, but also comments on the fact that guys like Tony Stark are really no different. Does that make him a bad person? It’s like Biggie talking about people calling the cops on him at the beginning of Juicy: he sold drugs, but it was so he could feed his daughter! It’s not morally perfect, but Michael Keaton’s character is a hustler. Like fucking Jake Gyllenhaal at the beginning of Nightcrawler: he’s doing what he has to in order to survive. There’s something likeable in that.

And Keaton’s character was right: people like Tony Stark are usually assholes that don’t really care about poor people, just like in real life. Tony Stark types are too fucking busy focusing on technology, evolution, social media, apps, and where people are gonna be in 25 fucking years instead of worrying about the people that can’t even afford to use those types of advancements right now.

If Tony Stark is loosely based on Elon Musk, Keaton’s character has a point; Elon Musk doesn’t even give a shit about his own fucking employees. And sure Teslas are great and environmentally friendly and all, but who the fuck can afford one? Elon Musk is probably not the best example because he gives money to charity, but still: it’s not like he’s giving money away directly to poor people like Keaton’s character. His charity is for weird technological shit, not "right now problems currently facing people" shit. Poor people are mainly left to fend for themselves, in the movie's case; selling weapons to other “bad guys,” creating a repetitive cycle of awfulness.

But anyway, I don't care either way. What does it matter if a dude like Michael Keaton's "Vulture" can get a few bucks selling something he isn’t supposed to? If there’s a demand for illegal shit, fuck it. And here’s the main thing: I have way more sympathy for a guy trying to provide for his family than a whiny little high school bitch like Spiderman. Keaton’s character at one point tells Peter Parker something to the effect of, “You’ll understand what life is all about when you’re older.” As soon as he said that I was like, “Holy shit. Fuck Spiderman, I’m not on his side anymore.”

I’m saying this solely as a guy who has struggled to find work. It’s really no contest: the stakes are higher for the poor dude and his family.  It felt like Keaton’s character was the kind of dude that might’ve voted for Trump, and then regretted it later after realizing he was burned and the coal mining jobs weren’t really coming back. I really felt for his character and family.

Overall, though: this is the best goddamn Spiderman movie in years. Not one person in the theatre whipped out their phone the entire time because we all actually gave a shit. (That’s where the bar is for a good moviegoing experience in 2017…how sad).