I’ll be 30 next month and I am reflecting on my life and experiences and whatnot. Here are a couple things I’ve learned that I wish someone would have told me when I was younger. I have no older siblings to give me advice, no close friends or allies, and I can’t really talk to my parents about much because they don’t understand me & everything just leads to an argument with them. It’s a bummer, but at the same time I am kinda happy my life is the way it is. As a result of all that, I’ve been forced to sorta learn things on my own and figure shit out myself. This is the best way to become an adult because the only true way to learn is through experience. You can go to school and write 1 + 1 = 2 all you want, but until you actually go through shit you won’t internalize it.
So with that being said, here they are. They may not help you, because like I said: a person has got to learn things on their own. But they’re important to remember nonetheless.
1. No One Cares About You / People Are Selfish
This is a really important one to remember. No matter how many friends you think you have or how popular you are, the underlying fact of life is that you’re on your own. No one cares about you at all. No one. If you’re a hot girl and you get lots of attention from everyone, guess what? Everyone is being nice to you because they want to fuck you. If you have lots of friends and an active social life, guess what? Half of those people would stab you in the back if the circumstances were right, and the other half is probably just using you because they’re lonely and need friends.
I know this sounds really negative and cynical to say, but you have to understand and realize that it is coming from a good place. What I mean by this is that, essentially, you are an employee of the world. No one cares about you as a person, they care about what you as the employee can do for them. That’s all you are for other people, just a resource. No one cares about what you’re going through, how sad you happen to be feeling that day, etc. And if you’re a man, it’s even worse. For all our talk about mental health awareness and that type of shit, if you’re a man you get a leeway of about one week exactly to get your shit together mentally before people start to get scared off and disappear from your life. Trust me, I have experienced this firsthand and know what I’m telling you.
No one cares about anyone in this society, and if you’re a man people care about you even less. Look around at all the successful men you might know: do you really think anyone would be there for them if their chips were down? Absolutely not. Do you think Beyonce would be with Jay-Z if he weren’t absolutely stinking rich? There’s no way on god’s green earth or in hell that would ever happen. At our core, people are selfish, shitty beings who only care about how they may benefit from a given scenario or person. Never forget this. The faster you learn this, the better it will be for you. It sounds very depressing to hear, and it definitely is, but that’s life. All you are for others is what you produce and do for them, that’s it.
2. Love Isn’t Real
I think the emotion of love is a big lie. I mean, don’t get me wrong: it exists. I love my cat. I love my parents. But in terms of relationships with men and women I don’t think it’s real. The reason being: if a person can “fall” into love, they can just as easily fall “out” of it. Which suggests that it was never real to begin with.
There is also the very cold truth that a person can choose who to be with. Let’s say, for example, I ask a woman out on a date and she happens to say yes to me and no to her many other suitors. We go on a few dates, we become boyfriend and girlfriend, a year goes by of courtship, another year, and then another. Then, let’s say we finally get married one day when the time feels “right.” We both stand in front of all our family and friends (well, her friends, because I haven’t got any) and declare our love for each other and blahblahblah. This whole scenario is complete horseshit because, remember: that woman made the conscious decision to say yes to me and no to all the other guys. She doesn’t necessarily love me, she loves the circumstances that led to her being with me. What about all those other guys she said no to? What if I died one day and she decided to give one of them a chance years later? Does she also love them? It’s all a big joke. Love is one of those things invented by the overlords of capitalism to sell us more stuff. It simply does not exist like we tend to think it does in the collective imagination. Due to the media and Disney movies etc, we think love is this concrete, magical thing. The reality is a lot more grim.
I know a bunch of girls who have had several relationships that didn’t ultimately last. They all think the same thing: they were in love each time, but the relationship just couldn’t last, and they had to split up. In my opinion these girls are all suffering from cognitive dissonance and stupidity: what they’re really saying is that they didn’t love the dude unconditionally (which goes back to my point above, see #1), but they want to give themselves an out and an excuse by making up some bullshit dramatic phrase about “their relationship,” not working out. It’s not that the relationship didn’t work out, they just don’t want to admit their love was never real to begin with. It’s all a joke when you realize life is completely absurd & meaningless, and love being fake is a major side effect of that.
The best example of what I’m talking about can be seen in the 2008 film, Two Lovers. I don’t want to spoil it if you haven’t seen it, but the ending specifically is what I’m referring to. Watch it and come back to read the following: at the end of the movie Joaquin Phoenix ends up with the Vinessa Shaw character. Not because he wants to be with her, but because it’s the best case scenario for him. He is actually madly in love with the Gwyneth Paltrow character; she is the woman he should be with, and she’s the one he’d really choose if given the option. Paltrow’s character represents freedom from his shitty life, and she’s the one he has more fun with. But she abruptly ends things with him, and he is forced to go back to the Vinessa Shaw character with his tail between his legs. It’s one of the most brutal endings to a film I’ve ever seen. I first watched this film when I was 16 and I’ve been unable to get it out of my head ever since.
What I am getting at with that Two Lovers example is that human beings create our own love. It’s not something we “fall in” and have no control over, etc. like all the shitty movies would have us believe. There is not a “soul mate” or “one person” for us. In actuality, it’s a cold thing we have a say in: we can choose and decide who we want to love at our own peril. To me, this fact is fraudulent, somewhat sickening, and defeats the whole purpose of the way people use the word, “love.”
3. Girls Aren’t Sugar Plum Fairies
I know a very wealthy man. He’s got a huge house, and he’s worth at least a million. I’m not sure of the exact figure, all I know is that his net worth is in the millions for sure. He eats out for almost every meal, travels a lot, smokes lots of weed, does nothing, and never works. This dude is a real gentleman of leisure: I’ve never seen him do anything other than chilling and having a good time.
The one thing missing from his life is a girlfriend or wife or some sort of significant other. I’ve never seen a photo of him with a girl, and he’s never got any women around. Now, if that were me? I would have that giant house filled with several blonde Scandinavian prostitutes. I am sorry to say, but it’s the truth. That’s the whole point of being rich, in my opinion. Donating to charity so you can help others in need, and getting prostitutes. That’s really it. Maybe I could even get a prostitute named Charity and cut out the middle man, haha.
Anyway, from my own speculation and inference making: I believe this guy does not want women in his life due to the fact that he is afraid of them. He is afraid of “sticking his dick in crazy,” as the saying goes, and ending up with a woman who takes him for all he’s worth. Isn’t that some shit? He’s got it all in life, yet he can’t get the one thing all dudes want and work so hard for; pussy. If he were Superman that would be his Kryptonite. He has all the money and free time in the world all of us can only dream of, yet he can’t get laid because he might lose it all.
The reason I bring that guy up is to paint a picture to you using an extreme example. Most men are not millionaires obviously. So as a result, most men are not in that level of fear of women like he is. And yet, I would argue that they should be. I know I am. As discussed above, people are fickle creatures who fall in and out of love all the time. It doesn’t take much for love to turn into hate very easily. They are just flip sides of the same coin. So it stands to reason: you should not go around trusting everyone willy nilly. I’m not saying don’t trust anyone ever, but that people should earn your trust. It’s important in life, I feel, to not trust anyone too easily and keep to yourself to the best of your ability. You really never know who might be enterprising and trying to take your shit. Especially in this society, as once sacred institutions, traditions, and careers continue to collapse all around us: people are going to continue to get more and more desperate. What this means is that life will push people to act in ways they never would have dreamed of previously. And what this means for relationships with men and women, is that men have to be a lot more careful than ever before. Girls are very good at seeming innocent and cute and sweet etc., so you’ve got to be very careful. You never know if you’re dealing with a complete sociopath and you could end up getting Dear Zacharied.
I sincerely believe that as we head deeper into this decade, we’re gonna start to see more and more acts of desperation from people who once seemed sane, but can no longer make ends meet. We’ve already begun to see stuff like this, and it’s only a matter of time before it gets worse. By the way, I don’t just mean in terms of men and women, but everyone. I guess the title of this one was a bit of a misnomer, but you get my point. “Don’t Trust Anyone Too Easily,” is more apt.
