“Kids nowadays don’t fight anymore, they believe in killing.”
-Donald Goines, Black Gangster (1972)
“A youth misspent in riotous living. And now, problems!”
-Le Feu Follet (1963)
“I was cured all right!”
-A Clockwork Orange (1971)
***
I talk a lot about collapse on here, and how everything is getting increasingly worse. The vibes are not just permanently off to those of us paying attention (and you don’t even have to be that smart to see it), it’s almost as if we are continuously trying to set records for disappointing human behaviour in general. Right now we’re all the Michael Jordans or Lebrons of doom. It’s not just covid deaths, and hotter temperatures; in something as complex as a collapse, it’s the disintegration of almost every system and norm you can think of. It’s almost like a daily version of living through Pasolini’s Salo in a way: as times get harder, people are becoming more corrupt, immoral, and desensitized to everything. Insanity becomes normalized, and it’s only abnormal to those of us with the memory to understand otherwise.
One way in particular you can see this psychotic phenomenon forming clearly is with regard to the youth of today. I know the phrase “kids these days” is a cliche, but it’s not without reason: younger generations of people have historically always aimed to push the envelope. It’s always been something, whether it’s rock music or fighting for civil rights or what have you. But what I’m getting at here is….not like this. Whereas former modes of rebellion felt normal — cigarette smoking, skipping class, generally engaging in James Dean behaviour — we are now facing what feels like an unprecedented level of youth chaos. I would argue that it goes beyond mere angst, and has veered into straight up collapse territory. It’s not just about rebellion, which is normal and healthy to a certain extent. It is now a cry for help. There is something very wrong and disturbing about what is happening to young people at the moment. I could give you many examples, but I’d like to focus on three specific ones just to narrow it down.
The first incident that comes to mind was the recent story about a 10-year old boy shooting his own mother for apparently not buying him a VR headset (after killing her, he apparently logged into her Amazon account and bought it anyway). The second incident I’ve been thinking about lately involves an even younger boy: a 6-year old kid shot his teacher in a school a few days ago. And unfortunately, there’s another even worse (third) story occupying hard drive space in my brain lately: a group of 8 teenaged girls stabbed and killed a homeless man for a bottle of his liquor. (Worth noting: the first two stories occurred in America, and the third referenced happened in my own city, Toronto, Ontario. And the order listed above does not represent when they happened, I just listed them in order of my memory).
What do all of these stories have in common? Aside from the fact that they all involved younger people, I believe a common theme is a break from reality and technology induced psychosis. Uncle Ted was right about all of this, for the umpteenth time. What are we to make of the fact that the boy in the first story killed his mother because he could not handle not getting the technology he wanted? Or that the kid who shot his teacher had no qualms about killing someone with something he probably saw being as harmless as a toy? Or that the third story, the group of girls, killed a homeless man for alcohol (instead of just mugging him) and first met each other online? I think it shows us that the kids today are living in a completely different reality than the one people over a certain age are, one in which the real world is one of zero consequences for your actions, and a place where your own needs and desires come first. It’s a dreamlike (or nightmarish) existence where the real world is nothing to these kids. They are not content to go for a walk in nature, or play a real game of some sort, or visit any of the places depicted in their vidyas. If it ain’t technology, it don’t exist to them. Why have a snowball fight or build a snowman anymore when you can put on a VR headset and have some hyperrealistic, lifelike, customizable snowman suck your dick? Why go out and bother talking to a real girl when you can just build one at home and get her to do whatever you want? Instead of doing natural things, they are staring into screens, scrolling tiktok, and vaping 40000000mg distillate carts all day everyday. One could argue that, the real world becomes secondary to what their real world is, the terminally online bugman world.
In a previous article about Artificial Intelligence, I wrote, “Unless they start creating robots who murder real men, I am not really worried or concerned about AI.” To counter my own line, you could say that this youth violence wave is sort of a form of that. I am less worried about a robot killing me (not that I think that’s impossible, but because I don’t think we are there yet), and more concerned about what I see happening to young people right here and now. They are becoming these odd Charles Dickens-like orphans of the 21st century in which they do have guardians, but they’re all absent to one extent or another (there is another conversation we could have about how capitalism is forcing their hand, but that’s another one for another day, and I also do not wish to absolve these mostly absent drooling retards calling themselves “parents” for their negligence), and they’ve been replaced with stuff that gives them zero moral compass or guidance. In 2023, we don’t have robots who kill humans. It’s far dumber and less sophisticated than that. We now have humans influenced by robots to kill humans. What a twist!
To go back to the incidents listed above, the state of mind described by the people around the kids is very telling. In each case I’ve read, the adults around them say that the kids seem to have no real remorse or understanding of what they’ve done. And even scarier: in certain cases, the so-called “parents” of these individuals are not even available or reachable. What this means is they’ve literally sent a bunch of unhinged people with underdeveloped brains into the world, and basically said, “Good luck!” and that’s it. The group of girls who killed the homeless dude lived in different parts of the city, apparently met online, and had posted videos of themselves vaping at Eaton Centre (a shitty overcrowded mall in Toronto for shitty people, if you are unfamiliar with it) moments prior to the killing. I’m sure I don’t need to hammer this point down again, but I will: that is not a great portrait or example of what a young person should be like, but it is now common. This is what happens when you normalize vaping (which I don’t think is comparable to weed and should be thought of differently for a variety of reasons — it’s far stronger than weed, and the level of ease and accessibility is beyond what previous generations were doing and had) and use TikTok as a babysitter: a group of unhinged teen girls reenacting A Clockwork Orange. (BTW, as a side note: you can see the evils of TikTok quite clearly by observing how different it’s used in China versus the rest of the world. China doesn’t allow their own youth to use it the way the rest of the world does. In China it is apparently more educational, but for America and Canada it’s everything but informative. It is downright pornographic and schizophrenic in nature. Some conspiracy folks have speculated they did this on purpose, to dumb down the Western youth. I am not sure I agree or disagree with this, I am merely writing an article here). Because all of these offenders are under 18, they will be “reformed,” their identities will not be disclosed to the public, and they’ll be sent back into society with the few of us sane people left still trying to get by and keep our noses clean (“I was cured all right!” 😂).
I wish I could end this article with some good news and tell you that everything will end up working out in the end and blah blah blah. If by things “working out,” I mean that we all die anyway, so nothing ultimately matters, then fine, yeah, that’s true. But for those of us that are still alive for awhile…no. There’s still a lot to worry about. The misguided youth of today/adults of tomorrow have zero purpose, zero intention of getting better, and it is highly unlikely any of them will pull out of this. Things will get far worse before they get better, and that’s my sincere opinion on the matter unfortunately.
Those of you that are familiar with my lore may remember that I used to work as a teacher before deciding to quit that profession entirely. I will fill you in very quickly if you’re unaware: I worked as a teacher for awhile in my 20s, and I fucking hated it. To give you an example of how bad the kids were: one day a kid came in and kicked a soccer ball, breaking a hole in the ceiling. This happened within the first ten seconds of that day of school, so you can imagine how terrible the rest of the day went. I could list more examples, but I’ll skip to the end. The final straw for me came when a particularly shitty kid kicked me in the balls, and I figured life was too short to be a hero. So I dipped, lol. I went to Germany and Poland for awhile, haha.
To be a teacher in my city means that they send you to the absolute worst schools first, and you have no say where you get assigned really. When I say the worst, I mean it. I’m talking schools that end up on CP24 for gun violence, and schools so bad the shit that happens there goes unreported because the adults are fearful about the word getting out and the risk of losing their jobs. Some of these schools are so terrible that supply teachers warn each other not to go to certain ones ahead of time due to the fact that the kids are so bad there. These are not kids that have any intention of learning anything for the day (or let’s face it: maybe not for their entire lives lmfao), but people who see the school system as a place their parents take them when they have to go to work. The teachers are not treated like teachers, they are seen as glorified babysitters. The kids know this, the parents know it, the staff knows it, it’s all a big fucking joke that no one ever takes seriously or intends on fixing.
You try to talk to the parents of some of these kids about their behaviour and the same things always happen: 1.) They’re high as fuck and aren’t hearing you (back to that theme of reality again), or there’s some other kind of language barrier. 2.) They accuse you of racism and singling out their kids instead of the others and use that excuse like it’s the answer to all their problems. 3.) Their parents aren’t reachable at all, and it’s the kid’s older brother or sister responsible for communicating on their behalf (I’m sure you can guess correctly if the sibling ever tells the parent what’s happening). If I sound bitter or unnecessarily negative, you should know that I am not the first person who has ever worked as a teacher to say this stuff. Lots of other people are saying it, and lots of teachers are quitting right now. The kids are not alright: they are worse than they ever have been.
Now, to go back to what I said about leaving you with solutions instead of just leaving you with a bunch of negativity, I will contradict myself and try my best. The following is a couple of ways I think we could solve this youth crisis we’re faced with. We will never do them, but seeing as though this is a philosophy/comedy website, I figured I’d include them anyway. Think of them as Hypothetical Hereticals, haha.
1. No New Kids
No one is allowed to have kids anymore until we can solve climate change and food/water insecurity. We already have way too many mouths to feed, and not all of them are that useful in the world anyway, so we’re shutting this shit down. Any women who get accidentally pregnant will be taken “out back,” and shot in the head. They get aborted themselves, regardless of age haha (as well as the fathers)😂. This is a great system because it will keep sex havers on their toes (which is stupid and not a noble thing to be in the first place), and if any mistakes are made we not only have no new people, we also lose a few folks. It’s a win win. Profit!!
2. Driver’s License Method.
If there’s too much pushback in the first hypothetical scenario (which is more than likely), we will go with what I call the Driver’s License Method. Forget the “pull out method,” or the scenario above, let’s try this one instead. People have gotten very upset with me in the past for suggesting this one (even though I’m a comic), and called me a eugenicist, but I still stand by it. If anyone on the planet wants to have children, both the mother and father have to take a written examination that tests their knowledge on raising a child responsibly. The passing grade will be 100%, and if anyone gets less than that they will not be permitted to bring a child in the world, and they don’t get to retake the test for another 5 years. It’s another wonderful system because it ensures that the only people who get to make babies know what the fuck they are doing, are enthusiastic about raising children and won’t be absent, and we won’t be left with problematic burdens on society like the kids we have nowadays.
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