2019 has been the worst year of my life (so far). I’m only 27, and I’m sure there will be more and in the future it’ll get so bad I’ll probably WISH I had this year. If I live long enough to see 80 I will probably see many more awful days. It’s not like I had any tragic accidents or anything. But as of right now, this is my worst year and I’m allowed to feel this way.
It started in September, 2018: I got hired at this marketing company that seemed harmless at first, but turned out to be a total nightmare. The boss ended up revealing himself to be a sociopathic racist goof (like most CEOs and people in positions of power are), my co-workers were drooling morons, and the whole experience culminated in me getting fired in March of this year. It honestly felt like some Dave Chappelle and Comedy Central shit: they hired me specifically for tough parts of the job (literally driving through tornados and other awful weather conditions), and then fired me when the weather got better, and brought in white people to take credit for my work getting the project off the ground. The CEO’s behaviour toward me near the end got worse and worse; he kept making working conditions for me shittier. It was almost like he wanted me to quit so he wouldn’t have to fire me. When I tell most people of colour the story they automatically go, “Sounds awful, I get that,” and when I tell most white people they immediately try to poke holes in my story and think the whole thing sounds like science fiction.
When bad things happen to you it’s a great opportunity to learn. Adversity is a beautiful thing in some ways. So here are a couple things I’ve learned this year; feel free to read it, or print it out and shit on it, or throw it in the recycling….Do whatever you want with this information.
1. Life Is Meaningless.
I already knew this, but was reminded once again this year. I’m not some groundbreaking thinker here: most intelligent people already know. Underneath everything, life is all for naught. We die at the end and none of this really adds up to anything even when it really seems like it does. To use my life as a quick example here: I was hired for a job, I was trying my absolute hardest, I was adding the most value to the company, I was easily the smartest one there…..and I got fired. Maybe it’s because I didn’t suck the CEO’s little pink needledick or stroke his fragile ego enough, I’ll never know.
My co-workers would go out drinking at night, and the next day they’d contribute nothing at work but vomiting. At one point one of the girls I was working with literally told me she contracted an STD while on vacation because she fucked some underaged island dude. At one point she told me she wanted to have children, and in the same breath told me she forgot to feed her cat that day and wouldn’t be coming back home for several hours. That’s the level of intellect I was working with, just wildly irresponsible behaviour. No disrespect to those who have, but I’ve never had an STD in my life, my cat is well-fed, and I consider myself to be a pretty responsible guy overall. I’ve worked as a teacher before, I was the most mature person there by anyone’s measure……And yet….. somehow….I was the one chosen to be fired when it was time to let someone go. It makes no sense at all.
But that’s exactly what I mean: LIFE makes no sense. It’s all chaos. To try to make sense out of a situation like that is hilarious and impossible. Nothing is fair, nothing matters. Life is completely meaningless, things happen haphazardly, and the universe is indifferent to us. It’s like the universe is this conveyor belt that constantly keeps going, and humanity is getting pulled along while somehow trying to control the impossible. To think that we can do anything at all to stop that conveyor belt is absolutely insane behaviour.
You could be married for 60shit years and then one day your partner decides out of the blue, “Hey, I know we’ve been married for a long time now, but you know what: marriage was invented when the life expectancy was like 20 years old and people died before they got grey hair. So now I think I want to try orgies and smoking crack at the same time. See ya buddy!” and leaves you (see number 4). It also works the other way: one day you’re blowing someone behind a dumpster, and the next day you could be getting blown behind a desk in an ivory tower. It’s the duality of life.
That’s why when I see people on the news or on Twitter, etc. complaining about Trump or whatever….it’s very difficult for me to care anymore. Even shit like global warming, which I used to care about: I don’t really give a fuck anymore. Sure, Jeff Bezos is still the devil, but at the end of the day I’m just some guy who was born in the 90s in the middle of nowhere. What can I do? Realistically speaking: I can’t change shit. That leads me to the next thing:
2. Compartmentalization Is Necessary.
After you come to terms with the above: compartmentalizing is very important and very helpful for a happy life. The refrain “life is meaningless” sounds sad on the surface initially, and it can be if you let it. However, that’s where your friend compartmentalization comes into play: divide your life into sections that will allow you to be the happiest.
If you’re surrounded by fools, you’re usually the smartest one in the room, you know that life is meaningless, and you feel it in your bones everyday of your life: to move on you just have to try your hardest to push that shit to a different part of your brain. It’s like how gay dudes living in the closet in conservative areas have to repress their sexuality: intelligent people unfortunately have to repress our intelligence to a certain extent. Smart people know life is meaningless, the best we can do is try to immerse ourselves in work or whatever else it is we’ve convinced ourselves is somehow productive. You may never quite FORGET that you’re gonna die one day, but you can be productive trying! To me, the measure of a man is how much work you’ve put between yourself and the grave.
3. Marketing People Are Evil
Although I put “marketing” there, you could easily extend this to people in general. This one is obviously highly specific to my experience this year, and I’m very biased given what happened. But it’s another fact of life I had to learn the hard way. Bill Hicks tried to warn me, and I should’ve listened. Instead, I had to go for the stupid fucking carrot dangling in front of me on the treadmill.
I witnessed this shit firsthand: most people that work in marketing would do anything to make another dollar. They don’t care if that involves pushing a guy in a wheelchair down a flight of stairs, they don’t give a shit if it’s stabbing a dude in the eye…as long as their bottom line is increased by the end of the quarter they’re happy. As long as it’s not them, they truly don’t give a shit because it’s not their problem. Looking the devil in the eyes this year truly made me wonder: how many people (not just in marketing) are like that all over the world? I’m guessing it’s a lot more than we like to think. Power corrupts.
People think I’m exaggerating or making shit up here. I mean this. When I use words like “evil” this is what I mean: when it was time for me to get my E.I. benefits (or at least try to) the dude investigating my case had to call the CEO of the company I was fired from. The cocksucker actually had the balls to make up a bunch of lies about me to the dude in an attempt to make sure I didn’t get any other money after the fact. Despite the fact that I was the very reason that conniving cocksucker would be getting paid later that year: I drove through snowstorms and worked outdoors in the worst Canadian winter conditions you can imagine to build a project from the ground up. I risked my life multiple times….and for what? So some dumb arrogant Trumpian piece of shit could make a little extra that year.
Marketing people and guys in positions of power are all evil cocksuckers. Ruthless pieces of shit, every single last one of them. They’ll smile and look you in the face with the knowledge that they’re going to fucking stab you in the asshole later. There’s no such thing as loyalty or anything like that for these fuckers because they aren’t humans. I went above and beyond for this satanic fucking company, and in the end they sent me an e-mail at 10:30PM at night to fire me. An E-MAIL! Those soulless, coward fucks.
When I say “marketing people” I should clarify: I’m talking about the higher ups and people in positions of power. I have starred in commercials for a couple companies over the years, and I’ve had a good time. But we’re the creatives. There’s a difference. At the end of the day, we’re all on the lower rungs of the marketing ladder. Even Bill Hicks said it: if you’re a young actor and you take a role in a commercial or something for money you desperately need (as I have), that’s fine.
But there are some greedy, poisonous cocksuckers out there. People with more than enough already that would be more than happy to do something insidious if it meant making a tiny bit more. It’s the people at the top you need to be wary of: they’re the ones that have the Eyes Wide Shut parties, have people murdered recreationally, and kill the planet so they can shit in gold toilets.
Having lots of money is fun, but how you make your money says a lot about you. And money isn’t even all there is to life (see more at #5).
4. Relationships Are Fragile: Never Depend On People
I don’t care if you’ve been married for 90000000 years, I don’t care if you’ve signed some kind of contract: people change and turn on each other. I mean, shit: even people in the mafia turn on each other when faced with lengthy prison sentences. The only person you have in this life is yourself: never forget that shit. You need to train yourself to be your own best friend.
Keep a really tight circle and don’t trust people so easily. Don’t get attached, because most people will disappoint you in some way in the end. Family are the only people you can really trust, and even them you can’t really fully. Before you give your heart to a motherfucker, you gotta be careful out there!
5. Most People Only Care About Money.
This is unfortunately true, and it goes beyond some bitter dude complaining about how, “women only care about guys with money,” or “women only want rich dudes.” I’m talking about PEOPLE, period. People are all fickle pieces of trash. Broke people love to complain about the billionaires of the world, but the truth is: in the same position those same people would probably be just as evil, because most people only care about themselves.
I heard a great saying this year, “People ask what you do for a living so they can calculate the level of respect they will give you.” This is 100% true. Do you think people ask what you do because they’re making friendly conversation? They’re asking because they want to know how much you have in your bank account, stupid. People are constantly doing these bullshit comparisons in their head, and asking someone their job title is the easiest way for these sheep to make their dumb calculations. I witnessed this firsthand: I went from almost making $30,000 for the year and having respect from people to getting shitcanned, having absolutely zero income and losing that same respect (despite being the same guy I was with a job). The contrast is night and day: most people are shallow pieces of shit.
Anyway, I hope this helps you out there. Please try to be kind to each other & don’t let the meaninglessness of life scratch at you too much. Read a book! That always helps me. Try this one.